xchrisem

& so this is the end...

2009-04-14T23:47:46Z

I've decided that this live journal was a complete waste of my time. lol, i really didn't use it that much anyway, and besides...my life isn't that interesting.

so i'm gonna stop using this. WOOOO!

okay i'm done. BYEEE!

You Don't Know Me

2009-04-11T16:51:53Z

I've realized that I don't need to prove myself to anyone. I've accepted that I have flaws and that personality does go a long way. Sure mine might suck, and I don't have classic good looks, but whatever; I'm probably doing fine anyway. I live the way that I want to, I keep myself in check, and I make people recognize it. So I don't have time for petty drama, high school bull shit, or people as fake as press on nails. Try the fag up the creek. Apparently he's better than me.

Bros>Hoes

2009-03-21T03:40:47Z

so i'm glad i have the people that i have. if it weren't for them, my life would be fuckin' lame. sooo, i'm bored like all the time. i'm talking to a cute guy, but his name is retarded. (it's marvin). lol, i know. but i guess we'll see if anything comes out of that.

so today i hung out with lginn after not seeing her for about a week. i know wtf?! but she was sick. :[ it made me sad, but at least we got to spend time together. i put in her weave, and we got maddd food and stuff. all i wanna do is go shopping now. lol.

hopefully tomorrow we'll have a classy day and stuff. but i gotta do my laundry and stuff. so yeahhhhh.

well that's my entry. it's lame i know. i never know what to say in these things...hahahaha.

So let's call it off...

2009-02-27T22:55:43Z

Here's the truth, & nothing but the truth...

I don't know why you like me. I can't fathom the thought of why anyone would EVER want to be friends with me, appreciate me, or even stand to look or be near me. Most of the time I act like everything is all good and dandy, but the truth is, my self-esteem is so low that I hate myself.

When I think about it, I think I'm the most ugliest person in the world. My personality sucks, and I have just about zero talent. Sure, most of you think I dress nice, but I feel like I can do so much better. Some of you think I'm actually funny, and I think I say things that are just ridiculous and stupid. Then there are people who are far more talented at singing and dancing than me, you and I both know it.

Then there is the most stupid reason as to why I feel like I have the majority of my friends. Now before I say it I just wanted to let my close friends (YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE) know that this doesn't include you. I'm talking about the people who barely know me, and just know my name. The only reason why I feel like any of you are, or want to be friends with me is because of the fact that I'm gay. Now, we can sit and argue and bring up a lot of other gay guys that attend AHS or even are in the area, but let's be real here. I'm not like those guys. I have a reputation and a certain persona that you all see, and you just think it's cool to have a gay friend who's a.) an upper classman b.) who's "fashionable" & c.) has a lot of "friends". So here's a message to all of you underclassmen. I'm not interested, and I'm not as cool as you think.

Here is the real me.

I make awkward and stupid comments. I like to dance obnoxiously. My favorite outfit is a white shirt and skinny jeans. I would rather watch cartoons then actual sitcoms. I'm scared of snakes. I hate being at home. I like taking naps. Sometimes, I pick my nose. I fart, and I'll admit it when I do. I don't speak to my parents. The only person in my family that I talk to is my sister, Tyra. Everyone else are just cousins of mine. I've gotten kicked out of the house...twice. I know how to use tools. I mow the lawn. I helped my dad renovate the house. I'm currently learning how to change oil in a car. I never wanna get my driver's license. I'm not spoiled. I bought almost everything I own. I'm constantly grounded. & last but not least, I used to be a cutter because of the deep depression I felt I had.

Hmmm, so I just read this entire entry. Let me break this down for you: I hate myself, I question why you're friends with me, or want to be friends with me, I hate underclassmen, and then I explained the real me. I love the friends I have now, my family (sister & cousins) mean everything to me, and I can only work my ass off to be as great of a person as the next guy.

sexy bitches & hoessss.

2009-02-15T00:01:12Z

Hey everyone!!!

I'm with my cousin and I'm at my besties house with her boyprend that live wit herrr, kb toys and khemabear. We had a dance party and it was so much fun. But the night is not over. I'm gonna have fun with a few other people!!!

Okay sexies byeeee!

Lol, this supposed to be the gayest entry I have.

Me, You, & the Radio.

2009-02-11T23:13:18Z

Let's just get naked and dance obnoxiously.
Sound like a plan?

Good.

Double Martini Straight Up

2009-02-07T21:26:36Z

Whatever, that means...

I think i'm gonna do this entry as a peom.
Ahemmm.....

If life was a flower.
Then I am a bee.
I search for what's right.
What's right for me.

As soon as I find it
My job is done.
I am the bee
with a flower, just one.

xchrisem @ 2009-02-03T18:56:00

2009-02-04T00:27:59Z

So here's a song I've been writing for a lovely lovely girl named Veronique LeBlanc. The song is called "Cinderella" and it's based on some relationships that my friends have gone through. Hopefully you all like it, and we'll see if Veroniqe wants to record this song. Hahahaahaha! :]

"Cinderella"

Taking my time
Getting to know the ins and outs of love.
Don't see how it can be right
When I feel like I don't give enough.

You put up with me,
Through the good
The bad just seems,
Something that
Shouldn't be
In the air
But it ain't fair to you and me

I don't wanna lead you on
I don't wanna put you out
I just don't think I'm right for you
You had the glass slipper in hand
The shoe don't fit, understand...
That you can't be my man.
I'm not your Cinderella
Cinderella, Cinderella.
I'm not your Cinderella
Cinderella, Cinderella.

I know I'm a little over dramatic
Sometimes I can cause havoc on you.
I can't see clear, all I see is static
Gotta move on to make it through

I have your trust
Don't gotta ask,
gotta ask for much
You just gimme,
gimme what I want
i can't take
advantage of you
so we gotta let it go

I don't wanna lead you on
I don't wanna put you out
I just don't think I'm right for you
You had the glass slipper in hand
The shoe don't fit, understand...
That you can't be my man.
I'm not your Cinderella
Cinderella, Cinderella.
I'm not your Cinderella
Cinderella, Cinderella.

You say we're perfect
I feel like,
You and me together,
just ain't right
I wanna be witcha
day and night
Can't do this
How hard I try

It'd be selfish
to stay with you
It'd be wrong
I thought it through
Can't be together
I gotta stay true
To what I believe
& what I do

I don't wanna lead you on
I don't wanna put you out
I just don't think I'm right for you
You had the glass slipper in hand
The shoe don't fit, understand...
That you can't be my man.
I'm not your Cinderella
Cinderella, Cinderella.
I'm not your Cinderella
Cinderella, Cinderella.

Wonderwall.

2009-01-26T21:42:24Z

A friend of mine told me that she was dropping out of school today, and my first initial reaction was, "WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU THINKING?!". But then I really truly sat there and thought about it as she told me her plans and how it would benefit her more, and it made sense to me. Why spend your time wasted in school, if you can just drop out and get your GED if what you're going to do doesn't require a high school diploma?

It finally hit me that school isn't for everyone, and what we really should be focused on is doing what we feel is right for ourselves and what would benefit us.

This doesn't mean that I'm dropping out, because I'm not. It just means that now I know there are more options in life.

It's funny though. School isn't for me and I know that. But, the only reason I stay there is because my dad's only wish is to see me walk. I can't mess up anymore. I have to make my dad proud. & work on making my future what I feel it has the potential to be.

PS: I might be going to school for political science, but deep in my heart I'll always wanna make music.

Like a tall glass of lemonade...

2009-01-17T18:57:19Z

i'm bossy, but i keeps it cute.

2009-01-06T01:31:27Z

today was a cute day actually.

i finally spent time with lauren ginn, and we're applying everywhere! well, she is at least...lol.

school was kind of a bitch. mr. maynard can sucka big one. i hate him so much! he's a little obnoxious and i can't stand the thought of him actually "teaching" a class.
pathetic.

afterschool, lauren and i hung out at her house for a bit where we were catching up on life, and then we decided to go job hunting since she got fired, and i quit a long while before that. i grabbed three applications, while lauren grabbed 900 million. kayla castro also joined us, and the three of us were cute teenagers looking for work. lol.

i also went to patriot place for the first time. it's pretty nice, but i kinda expected more. it was also completely dead. i saw a total of two other people working making it a grand total of five people actually at the mall. lol.

lauren also informed me of her and her boyfriend. IT WAS TOO CUTE. i really really really envy their relationship at this point. i want a lover not a friend. :[
well, i guess i'll have to wait it out for a bit.

ps: i got new jeansssss! :]

there's no way

2008-12-13T00:09:38Z

i did something really bad. ohhh shit.
sajdfajoj

okay well i'm gonna go in hiding. bye.

and so it begins

2008-12-07T15:32:51Z

the healing process might be long and you might run in some trouble, but in the end it's all worth it.

i'm finally taking the steps to find a new beau out there.
hopefully i have options. :/
lol, so anyway hopefully i get to go to boston today.
if not, oh well. i won't cry over spilled milk.

i'm gonna go make ramen now. bye.

discovery

2008-12-06T17:24:00Z

i've been put in charge of organizing the attleboro idol show.
i guess that's exciting, we'll see.

hmm, so life is getting a little better.
i'm still wicked sick.
and it doesn't help to know that i have to sing on weds.

hopefully i feel better by then.

ps: i miss dancing a lot.

okay, nevermind

2008-12-03T05:16:01Z

i don't hate mike rollins
but we'll never be buddy buddy. lol
he's actually alright but ehh, whatever.

umm, so i miss mr.a. i miss talking to him on the phone, and texting him, and going to boston and stuff.
he's my little jerk, but i miss him so much...

:[

i'm feeling sad now.

So recap.

2008-11-23T04:59:42Z

I still hate Mike Rollins.
-This dance off is the best out of our four years.
-I made up seven out of the nine dances we have. (I know what the fuck.)
-I wish I was partying.
-I wish I wasn't grounded.
-Thanksgiving is coming up, and I'm so pumped!

ps: i have practice tomorrow.

mother effer

2008-11-16T17:22:43Z

soooo, spirit rally is coming up
and the dance off has no dancers!

GAHH

tell your friends to join.
YOU CAN JOIN.

do it!

oh and ps: i wasn't loud enough, so i didn't make it to idol.

OH YES!

2008-11-13T03:07:02Z

even when i'm grounded, i don't care. i'm still gonna live my life the way i want to.

so today at school was interesting. this whole time change was GREAT! i loved it so much.
i finally got to sit and talk to jess and on top of that maddie has the lunch too!

maynard's class is a drag, especially since betsey wasn't in class. i had a test in ecology, matthew's class was just an excuse to socialize, and i love love love mr boone. he's my favorite guy ever.

after school i was supposed to go to detention, but that wasn't my style, so i stayed after for mr matthews and did some good old recycling for community service. :] and i got a note, so i don't have to go to session anymore.
then i saw pauline and emily walk by and i just had to stop them and hang out with them for a while. i love my girlfriend, and pauline is the biggest sweetheart.

oh and jesse medeiros signed me up for attleboro idol. what?! i guess i'm doing it.

well tomorrow i have auditions. WISH ME LUCK!

ps: i can't wait for homecoming!

I learned something today.

2008-11-10T06:06:19Z

I really do love you.

I tried to play it off and even acted like I didn't care when you were with guys.
But of course I cared...and now I'm not sure how I feel. I've repressed my feelings for a while...but today you changed my mind.

The other guys don't matter, especially since you and I have never had sex with each other.
You were the one that was different. I know that I was different than your guys too.

So the last thing you said to me was I love you.
So the only I can say to you now is, I love you.

i just thought you should know

2008-11-06T23:02:01Z

i just farted. it felt great!

i'm kinda glad obama is president. i'd rather have it be him than mccain.
but since i'm an independent, nader is my go to man. :]

oh and i miss the following people:
-taryn mccarthy
-jessica montoya
-marissa harnpukdipatima
-sana jameel
-ravi richard
-mr. a
-& probably the person i miss the most: annie jeffrey.

ps: i think jo is cute. :]

Solitaire.

2008-10-30T03:11:30Z

i've let myself go
falling under the cracks
cruising around town
i can't go back

alone in the world
i hunger for sanity
but the more i move
i realize, it's fantasy.

i live and learn
from mistakes i've made
it's who i am now
that i overcome everyday.

is anybody listening?
is everyone awake?
i fear this silence...
this silence must break.

i hear words
i comprehend what is said
but no one is talking to me
i'm alone...i'm dead.

Serious?

2008-10-28T23:41:17Z

yeah, apparently.

I'M GROUNDED FOR TWO WEEKS.
lame sauce.

Mr. Milkman,

2008-10-19T23:02:29Z

don't cry over spilled milk.
you have other deliveries to make
and you don't have time to cry over the one that fell.

It Is What It Is.

2008-10-12T03:58:02Z

- Polo is no more.
- School is taking over my life.
- Friends are all I need.
- My parents are over protective.
- & I have a new number with unlimited texting.

I kinda wish I had a boyfriend,
but it's whatever that I don't.

PS: I hate this part.

Invisible Children

2008-09-27T04:25:19Z

Okay, I guess I need to cut the shit with complaining. Going to an Invisible Children presentation the other day really hit me. I have the oppertunity of a life time, an oppertunity that I'm fortunate to have. Many kids in Uganda don't have the same oppurtunity as me, and they would do anything to be in my position. So I need to stop, wake up, and realize that I need to get my act together. I also joined the Invisible Children Club, and I ordered a few of their tee's. I also might get a bracelet because it's for a good cause, and I'm basically paying them for making it for me.

During the course of a few months, I'll be organizing a book drive, clothes drive, and selling goodie bags along with Alyssa Hall and Jen G. No official plan has been made, but in the near future be sure to donate as much as you can.

I really wanna help these kids (some who are my age) out.

They're truly inspiring.

PS: Every little bit counts. :]